We're Falling Apart and Tearing At The Seams
by Selena Marie Weasley
Summary: 2x18 AU. What if Zoom took Iris instead of Wally? Angst with a happy ending. Barry/Iris, Westallen.


_I just thought this would be an interesting idea. Title taken from Heaven Forbid by The Fray. I did change one word from the lyrics in case anyone cares._

* * *

As he and Joe walk up to the house he gets this _feeling_ that something isn't right. He just can't quite figure out what it is, but it puts him on edge. Maybe he's just tired. After all it's been a long day and he's still beating himself up for letting Zoom get away. Still he can't shake whatever it as Joe unlocks the door, but he doesn't say anything not wanting to worry Joe until he can figure out if there even is something to be worried about.

The hair on the back of his neck prickles as they walk inside. It's too dark inside and he really, really doesn't like it not when Iris is supposed to be here. She had gone home hours ago while he had stayed at the lab longer. But now he wishes she had stayed or he had gone home with her.

They step inside the house and the feeling intensifies and he wonders if Joe can feel it to. Regardless of that he turns to Joe. "Something's wr-"

Then he sees it. Sees it on the living room wall and stops dead in his tracks and so does Joe. He swears that he stops breathing for a moment, that the world stops spinning.

 _Your speed for Iris._

Fuck. Fuck. _Fuck._

"Fuck!" he screams and his fists clench at his sides and he really wants to hit something, or to run, or do _something_ but he's frozen in place. The words on the wall taunting him. And he knows this is his fault. He let Zoom get away. He should have stopped the other speedster. He had him. It's his fault that Iris has been taken and he knows he needs to fix it. He knows what he needs to do.

He curses more out loud not bothering to try and hide it from Joe who hasn't moved or said a thing and is just staring at the words on the wall, his face ashen.

"Joe," he says slowly and carefully, trying to regain control of his emotions for the moment. "I'm going to get her back. I promise."

There's no way in hell he's going to let that son of a bitch harm her in any way. And if he had any say it in it he wouldn't even let the bastard touch her. But he doesn't and the universe just wants to fuck with him and make him suffer.

Joe looks at him. "Barry, you can't," he starts but it's only half hearted.

"Yes, I can," he says. "I have to. This is Iris. It isn't even a question. She's worth more to both of us than my speed is," he tells his father figure firmly.

Joe nods in agreement. "Okay." But his voice is quiet and resigned like he's a million miles away.

He places a hand on Joe's shoulder. Trying to be as calm as possible even though on the inside he's a mess. Even though it feels like someone has reached into his chest and ripped his heart out. Zoom has Iris and he has no idea what he could be doing to her. In the back of his mind he knows Zoom is doing this just to torment him and that he probably won't kill her, just wants to cause him some pain. He just hopes that it's true.

* * *

It's been two days since Iris was kidnapped. 2 days 13 hours 42 minutes and 6 seconds since Barry found the message on the wall left for him. Not that he's keeping track of every second she's missing, every second she's at Zoom's mercy because of _him._

Two long excruciating days without Iris West.

He tries to be productive, tries not to mope around and drive everyone else crazy. He searches the city for her. Searches every single corner of the city. Searches for where Zoom could be hiding her. He even gets Cisco to open the breach to Earth-2. But Zoom's not there. He's abandoned that lair. He doesn't know where to look. He decides he'll just have to try every Earth out there and he will do just that to find her. But he knows Zoom is torturing him. Zoom must know that he would give up his speed for Iris, that he made that decision that moment he found her gone. No, Zoom is purposefully doing this; he'll make an appearance soon and ask for an answer. He's doing it to make him suffer.

The others are trying to find another way to get Iris back without having him sacrifice his speed. He lets them try but he knows nothing else will work. And he's okay with that. He's okay with giving up his speed for Iris. Really there is no other choice.

Wally has been brought in the loop. Considering it's kind of hard to explain why his sister was kidnapped. And he's been surprisingly okay with the whole thing. He's been trying to help as well. And it helps that he doesn't blame Barry for Iris being taken. But still he has to reassure Wally that he will bring her back.

He doesn't allow himself to sleep. If he sleeps he'll dream and he'll dream of Zoom torturing Iris and he doesn't think he can handle that right now. His mind is already conjuring up all kinds of images that have him cursing his imagination and trying to convince himself that he's wrong and that she's as safe as she can be. Joe finally convinces him to take a shower and try and get some rest because he'll be no use to Iris if he's exhausted. Reluctantly he showers at the lab because he really doesn't want to go home, he doesn't want the reminder that she's not there, that she hasn't been there for a couple of days.

 _I'm coming for you Iris, I promise._

It's been four days when Zoom sends another message for him. He's willing to meet to have a talk. And he's ready to take it. He needs to see Iris, to see her alive. But he's also mentally preparing himself for the worst. He's sure she's alive, but other than that he has no idea what state she's in, how hurt she is or if she's completely unharmed and Zoom is seriously fucking with him. Either way he's ready. Ready to make a deal with the devil.

4 days 8 hours 58 minutes and 35 seconds.

* * *

He reaches the seemingly innocuous abandoned building in Keystone. He's sure he searched here already but he wouldn't put it past Zoom to play some elaborate game of hide and seek just to mess with him. Regardless of that he takes a deep breath and reminds himself to try and stay calm as possible. He can't put Iris in any more danger than he already has. He needs to keep a clear head and not let his emotions get the best of him like they usually do. And maybe he'll actually listen to his own advice for once.

And then he's inside and it looks much like the lair he was trapped in months ago on Earth-2. His eyes scan the room and he doesn't see Zoom anywhere but that doesn't mean the evil speedster isn't lurking around somewhere watching him.

Then he sees her.

His heart thumps wildly in his chest so loud he doesn't think he would be able to hear anything else. She's in the same glass cell he was in with her arms chained in front of her. He can see some bruises and scrapes, she's dirty, but for the most relatively unharmed. He lets out a sigh of relief as he moves towards her. Her head lifts up and for a moment nothing else matters, all he sees is Iris and the smile breaking out on her face.

He's so caught up in _her_ that he doesn't notice the fear the flickers on her face when she looks just past his shoulder because all of the sudden there is a flash of blue lightning and she's _gone._

No, no, no this can't be happening again.

He spins around and what he sees makes his blood boil. His fists clench at his side. Zoom has her slightly in front of him with his hand at her throat, from where he stands he's pretty sure that Zoom's hand is barely gripping her, but the threat is enough. He doesn't think he's ever seen Iris look so frightened in her life. Eyes wide with fear, body trembling. And that tugs at his heart because Iris is brave and fearless and jumps from buildings and this fucking son of a bitch has taken that from her.

"Hey, hey, Iris, look at me," he says in a gentle but commanding tone gaining her attention. Her eyes meet his and he sees the complete trust in her eyes and he hopes to God he doesn't do something stupid to break that trust. "Keep your eyes on me okay? Just look at me."

She gives the slightest of nods and thankfully the hand on her throat doesn't tighten. For a moment he just holds her gaze and does his best to keep her calm, to reassure her he's going to do all he can to keep her safe. He watches her take some deep breaths to calm herself brown eyes never once wavering from his.

He hates that he has to take his eyes off her but after what seems like hours he finally he turns his attention to the other speedster.

"Nice of you to join us, Flash," Zoom taunts and he has a feeling that underneath his mask the monster is most likely grinning because he knows he has the upper hand.

He stays silent. He won't take the bait.

"Iris has been keeping me company. She's very loyal." Then he runs one clawed finger along her cheek but she flinches away. Only for him to grab her chin with his other hand holding her still so that this time his finger breaks skin leaving a trail of red it's wake.

Iris to her credit keeps her eyes on him despite the fact that she's shaking and looks like she's ready to run away as far as possible.

His fists clench at his sides, fury buzzing through his body. He needs to hit something. Better yet he wants to _kill_ this fucking bastard for touching her, for threatening her to get to him. But he knows he can't make a move toward him, because Zoom can snap her neck in less than a second and he can't risk her. He's fucked. He knows he is. Because even though he doesn't want to give up his speed, they could come up with a better plan but this is Iris. And any logical planning goes out the window with Iris.

"So Flash, have you decided? Are you willing to give up your speed for Iris?"

He opens his mouth to answer but instead of his voice he hears Iris.

"Barry, no!" she shouts and he can see she's no longer scared. She's worried about _him._ "I'm not worth it. Don't give in to this asshole, please-"

Zoom's hand tightens just the right amount on her throat and she's gasping for air her own hands flying to her neck trying to pull his hand away. He can't watch her struggle anymore; it physically pains him to see her like this. It feels like there's a hand squeezing his heart rather than his throat.

"Let her go!" he shouts. "Your hurt her and so help me God you'll wish you never came after her."

For a moment Zoom does nothing, but he sees the slightest bit of hesitation in the monster's eyes and then he's letting go and Iris falls to the ground in a heap gulping in air. And he wants so badly to run to her side to take her in his arms and take away all her pain, to run her out of here. But he knows he can't do that. He took a chance threatening Zoom and he didn't know if it would work and he knows he can't try something like that again.

"Very well, Flash," Zoom agrees and it almost sounds like there's a hint of admiration in his voice. But then he's crouching down next to Iris who eyes him wearily, still breathing heavily. Zoom reaches out to twirl a piece of her hair around his finger and it takes all he has not to charge forward. "Is she worth it? You have so much power and you're willing to give all of that up for _her?_ "

Suddenly it's a year ago and he and Iris are standing on the Jitters rooftop and she knows he's The Flash, knows he's been lying to her and he tells her the truth for the first time in a long time.

 _Without you there wouldn't be The Flash._

And it's still true. He wouldn't be able to do it without her support. He _couldn't_ do it without her. She's his world and he needs her.

When he answers he doesn't look at Zoom his eyes fall on Iris who is still on the ground glaring at Zoom but shifts her attention to him when she senses the weight of his gaze on her. "Yeah she is," he says softly and he's speaking to her, telling _her_ that she's worth it, that she's everything to him that he's giving up his speed for her.

When he returns his attention to Zoom the other speedster nods. "Very well, Flash. Tomorrow I will bring Iris to STAR labs and you will give me your speed."

And he knows that he needs to go now before he risks her more. So he nods curtly and looks to Iris one more time trying his best to tell her that it's going to be okay. He wishes he could go to her side but instead her reluctantly turns his back to her and leaves.

He holds on to the fact that she's alive and Zoom wouldn't do anything to risk getting his speed. He just hopes that tomorrow when he sees her she's the same that she hasn't been hurt more.

* * *

Zoom has a tight grip on her arm and she looks much like she did yesterday. He meets her eyes and silently asks if she's okay and she nods. She's putting on a brave face he can tell. He also can tell that she's clenching her jaw and pressing her lips together too tightly like she's trying to hold everything in.

"Iris first."

Zoom pushes her forward and she stumbles into him but he easily catches her in his arms. He holds on to her tightly and let's out a breath he's been holding in since he found those words on the wall and Iris missing. But now she's here in his arms relatively unharmed. He doesn't miss the hand shaped bruise around her neck and the angry red line on her left cheek or the cuts and scratches on her arms and face. But for now he can't do anything about it.

He hates that he's giving in to Zoom giving the monster his speed. He's pissed that he's in no position to fight back right now. Because he wants to kill the other speedster so fucking badly, for everything he's done but mostly for taking Iris.

"I've got you, Iris. You're okay," he says in a low voice only meant for her ears. Tipping his head down so his lips are near her ear.

She says nothing only shudders in his arms and clings to him clearly having no intention to let go. And honestly he doesn't want to let go of her either. But he's walking a thin line right now. Zoom is waiting.

Slowly he pulls back and motions for Joe to come closer but she just curls her fingers into his suit in a grip so tight that it has to be painful. He runs a hand along her back trying to soothe her. He's never seen her like this. So terrified and reduced to a shaking mess.

"Iris," he says gently and for a moment he forgets about everyone around them. Forgets about Zoom. All that matters is Iris. But she doesn't react. So he takes another step back, which is a little difficult with, the strong hold she has on his suit, but he carefully pries her hands from his suit holding them with his own, rubbing his thumbs along her knuckles. "Iris, sweetheart look at me."

He has no idea where that comes from but the term of endearment slips off his tongue easier than he would like it to. For now he pushes that out of his mind because she probably doesn't register it anyway.

She raises her eyes to his, eyes wide lip trembling. He moves one hand to cup her cheek. "Iris. I have to do this. You have to let go." She shakes her head back and forth. He tries to give her an encouraging smile. "Hey, it's going to be okay. _I'll_ be okay. I promise. Alright?"

She nods slowly and he knows she doesn't believe him but he can see the determination on her face. He broke through to her and she's slowly coming back to him. He kisses her on the top of her head and hands her to her father.

Any other time he would smile at their reunion and feel guilty for not letting Joe get to her first. But now is not the time.

"Let's get this over with," he says.

And Zoom just nods grinning like he's won.

He wishes Iris wasn't here. Wishes she wouldn't see the speed drained from his body. He doesn't want her to see him like this. But he also knows there's no way in hell any of them would be able to get her to go home. She'd fight all of them in her stubborn way. There's also a part of him that glad she's here because she gives him the courage to do this, gives him the slightest bit of faith that it will be okay.

He can feel his powers leaving him, feels himself getting weaker and weaker and then he can't control the movement of his legs and his feet get tangled together and he goes flying across the room landing hard on the ground. He's vaguely aware that in the other room Zoom just became more powerful and he's also barely aware of the others rushing into the room. He registers a gentle hand on his knee and sees her crouching in front of him.

When he meets her eyes all of the vulnerability from earlier is gone. Instead there's worry for him but the fire is back in her eyes.

"Are you okay?"

He's not even close to being okay. But he doesn't say that. Instead he nods slowly and tries to sit up but he groans at how difficult it is. Her hands reach out to help him but he shakes his head. He sits up resting his own arm across her legs as hers still rests on his knees squeezing gently.

He's about to open his mouth to say something when all of the sudden there's a hand around his neck and his feet are off the ground. He's gasping for air hands clawing at the hand cutting off his air supply. Trying to do anything he can to breathe.

"Let him go!" he hears her shout.

But his vision is already going blurry and he feels the fight leaving him. This is it. He's going to die.

He can barely hear Iris screaming and cursing Zoom and begging him to let go of him. Then he's not sure what happens because he falls to the ground again and all he can focus on is getting air back to his lungs. He wheezes and feels the tears in his eyes and slowly regains his breath.

She's at his side once again hand on his back this time and he blindly reaches for her hand and when he finds it he grips it tightly. This time he's relying on her, on her strength. And she doesn't falter. She holds on to his hand and slowly leads him to one of the cots in the other room so Caitlin can have a look at him. He knows she's worried and scared and so is he, but right now they are both alive and he's really, really thankful for that.

* * *

For the next week she avoids him and he lets her. He doesn't try to confront her. Mostly because he's still trying to adjust to life as a normal human being, to living without his speed. And it's really fucking hard. Because his powers have become a part for the past year and a half, nearly two years. And it's weird being normal.

Eventually it starts to bother him that she's withdrawing herself and is unusually quiet. He doesn't think he's seen her smile at all; then again she's never in the lab anymore it's like she's purposefully putting distance between them like she doesn't want to see him. He's tired of it.

One day by a stroke of luck she wanders into his lab at CCPD. When she notices him he can see she's about ready to make an excuse for why she has to leave but he's on his feet getting to her as quickly as he can without his speed. He stops her with a hand on her wrist, loose enough that she can pull away if she really wants to. But she doesn't and she stops looking down at his hand.

It's now or never. It's time to get to the bottom of this. To figure out why the hell she's been avoiding him. Because he's worried and he misses her.

"What's going on?" He asks her.

"Nothing," she dismisses pulling her hand from his. "Why would you think something's wrong?"

He gives her a look. "You've been avoiding me."

She looks down at her feet. And he's worried about her now. He's never seen her act like this.

"Iris," he says gently taking a step closer to her. "Talk to me."

She raises her eyes to him and she's frowning, lips pressed together tightly. "I- you, you traded your speed for _me._ Why? I don't get it. You- all those people who need The Flash, who need you to keep them safe, and you- you gave all that up for me? I don't want to be that person. Barry, that's a lot to put on me. And I can't- I can't…"

"You can't what?" he prods softly.

"I can't- I've been avoiding you because I don't want you to resent me."

"Why would I resent you?"

"Because I'm the reason you don't have your powers. _I'm_ the reason you're upset. I'm the reason you can't be the flash. _Me."_

Oh Iris.

He gives her a sad half smile. And steps a little closer to her placing two fingers under her chin tipping it up so she looks at him.

"Iris. I can live without my speed. You not so much." She sucks in a breath at his confession and his lips turn up in a half smile because it's the truth. "Of course I want my speed, but I don't need it. I need you, Iris. And I'm sorry, I am so sorry that you feel this way. I never wanted you to take that decision away from you. Hell, I never wanted Zoom to take you in the first place. But it's my fault and to me there was no other option. You're more important. And if there's something I've learned in the last few months it's that I don't think I'm ever going to stop loving you. I just need you to know that. It doesn't matter if you feel the same, I just want you to know."

"Barry," she whispers. "I-"

He doesn't let her finish whatever it is she's going to say, instead he pulls her into his arms and she goes willingly burrowing into his chest like she can't get close enough to him. And he just holds her close and let's her hold on to him, trying to give her all the strength he possibly can.

He hears her sniffle and let out a muffled noise against his shirt and he's pretty sure it's a sob because that sob leads to more and suddenly it's like she can't stop, like they keep coming to the surface. They are so loud it sounds like she's gasping for air and each one is like a punch to the gut. Because this is his fault he was too lost in his own head to realize just how much she's been hurting. So he squeezes his arms around her in a secure embrace and rocks them back and forth doing his best to comfort her. He doesn't dare let go not until she's ready.

He wonders how long she's been keeping this in. And he wishes he had been more attentive to her that he would have noticed sooner that she was struggling. But he vows to be there for her now.

He's not keeping track of time, it could have been minutes or hours by the time she raises her head, tear tracks visible on her cheeks and he wants to wipe them away but there's something in the way she's looking at him that holds him in place.

"Barry," she says before pausing and she appears to be nervous and he's holding his breath for whatever reason.

She opens her mouth to speak again but then she shakes her head and he's not sure what's happening but then her hands are on his face and she's bringing his mouth down to hers and then she's kissing him.

Her lips are just brushing against his, shy and tentatively, two things Iris is most definitely not. But he's frozen.

Holy shit.

Iris West is kissing him.

And for a moment he does nothing. He's frozen and doesn't know how to react because honestly after everything that has happened he never thought Iris would be kissing him. But then he senses her hesitation and then it's almost instinctual as one hand finds her cheek and the other her waist as he draws her in closer and then he's kissing her back.

He controls himself not wanting to push her too much because he knows how vulnerable she is right now. And then he's slowly moving his lips against her and lets her decide how far she wants to take it. And it isn't easy when all he wants to do is kiss the hell out of her. But he doesn't.

Then she's pulling away and he fights the need to bring her back. But her eyes are downcast but he sees a nervous smile on her face. Her fingers playing with the fabric of his shirt.

"I'm scared Barry. Of this. Of us. I- I don't know exactly what I feel for you, but there's something. And I want to give it a try. I just-"

"It's okay. We don't have to put a label on it. We can take this as slow as you want. Or not at all."

She frowns at that. "But you want this."

He nods. "Yeah, I do." He answers honestly. Because he does. He's wanted this for so long. But he's learned a lot in the last year and he's done trying to force something to happen between them. His feelings for her aren't going to go away. It's up to her now if she wants him.

She nods and seems lost in thought for a moment and he let's her think it through. He's not going to pressure her.

"I want this too. I want to try."

He grins at her. "Okay."

"Okay." And she's smiling too and he thinks it's the first time he's seen her smile like that in weeks. And God he would do anything to keep that smile on her face.

So he bends his head down and kisses her softly. "Give me a few minutes and then we can go home."

She nods and turns to leave before stopping in the doorway. "Hey Barry?"

"Hmmm?"

"If it had been you, I would have done anything to get you back too."

She's gone by the time he processes her words. And he can't stop smiling and he finishes as quickly as possible because Iris is waiting for him.


End file.
